janini’s lair

verse 1: i don’t want you to give it all up and leave your own life

collecting dust. and i don’t want you to feel sorry for me. you never gave

us a chance to be. and i don’t need you to be by my side to tell me that

everything’s alright. i just wanted you to tell me the truth. you know i’d

do that for you.

chorus: why are you running away?

verse 2: ‘ cause i did enough to show you that i was willing to give and

sacrifice. and i was the one who was lifting you up when you thought your

life had had enough. and when i get close you turn away. there’s nothing

that i can do or say. so now i need you to tell me the truth. you know i’d

do that for you.

repeat chorus

bridge: is it me? is it you? nothing that i can do to make you change your

mind. is it me? is it you? nothing that i can do. is it a waste of time?

last chorus: so why are you running away? what is it i have to say to make

you admit you’re afraid? why are you running away?

WHEN YOU’RE GONE

(Avril Lavigne)

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

I’ve never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah, yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

___________________________________

*uhmmm…lalang. I loove the tune.

Ever The Same

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn’t tell you but I’m telling you now

Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you and we’ll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it’s cold and we’re scared
And we’ve both been shaken
Yeah look at us
Man, this doesn’t need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you and we’ll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
And I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me
Forever it’s you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you’re no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I’ll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
And I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me
Forever it’s you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Ever the same
Ahhh yeah
______________________________________________________

Look After You

if i don’t say this now i will surely break
as i’m leaving the one i want to take
forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
my heart has started to separate

oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
be my baby
oh, oh, oh
i’ll look after you

there now, steady love, so few come and don’t go
will you won’t you, be the one i always know
when i’m losing my control, the city spins around
you’re the only one who knows, you slow it down

oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
be my baby
oh, oh, oh
i’ll look after you

if ever there was a doubt
my love she leans into me
this most assuredly counts
she says most assuredly

oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
be my baby
i’ll look after you

it’s always have and never hold
you’ve begun to feel like home
what’s mine is yours to leave or take
what’s mine is yours to make your own

oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
be my baby
oh, oh, oh

_____________________________________________

"thanks for leaving me for I found a brand new me…a better me indeed".

failure abounds and the temptation to quit allures.

need a refuge.running.always with the running.

If a drop of rain and a ray of sunshine flood my halls, which will I take?

An incessant torment of pain flutters around me.

The need to get out looms over, and I am forever in debt.

…

…

…

seeking.always with the seeking.when will this stop…

forever in the darkness.attempts to seek the lost constantly fails.

sadly perturbed.

boundless confusion atop.

I watch the walls around me crumble
but it’s not like I wont build them up again
so here’s your last chance for redemption
So take it while it lasts cause it will end

(bridge)
And my tears are turning into time
I’ve wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

Chorus:
I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it’s over
cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won’t be right if we’re not in it together
tell me that it’s over
And I’ll be the first to go
Don’t wanna be the last to know

I won’t be the one to chase you
but at the same time you’re the heart that I call home
I’m always stuck with these emotions
and the more I try to feel the less I’m whole

(bridge)
My tears are turning into time
I’ve wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

Chorus:
I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it’s over
cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won’t be right if we’re not in it together
tell me that it’s over

And I’ll be the first to go
Yeah, I’ll be the first to go
Don’t wanna be the last to know

Over… Over… Over…
(bridge)
My tears are turning into time
I’ve wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

Chorus:
I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it’s over
cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won’t be right if we’re not in it together
tell me that it’s over
tell me that it’s over
over

Honestly tell me
Honestly tell me

Don’t tell me that it’s over
Don’t tell me that it’s over

hard.harder.hardest.

all comes to those who wait.

but still, I can’t seem to make my mind up!

4 positions. 1 decision. 5 hours to make a cut as to whether I’ll be a full fledged obrero in 21 hours.

critical because I’m thinking of the consequences. difficult because I’m weighing the compensation and the benefits I’ll reap. ordeal-like because of the people around me.

where does my happiness lie? should I always go for the cautious conservative side or the radical and spontaneous me? how could I see the unfolding of my bliss if all I feel are torns cutting right through me.

madrama.yay.

hirap magdecide.shocks. I need divine intervention! now will not be a bad idea.

sabi sa social psych, less choices is a sure path to happiness.I couldn’t help but agree.whoaness…

ano ba dapat grounds for decision? stress, pera, experience, learnings, future opportunities, career growth, papa(hehe), whaaaaatttt!?

hiraaaaaapppppp!!!!!!!!!

why can’t I always take something which has the best of both worlds? or of those three worlds (money, learnings, stress-free).

so hard indeed.

hay naku. di ako makagawa ng blog. may tumitingin. harharhar…

_________________________________________________________

liberated girls are not only fun. they are open and more mature. realistic and practical. they could handle things that a wuzzie cannot. sometimes I dream of becoming just like them. these girls who could party and live under their own reign. some people…especially those who doesn’t know me judge me as such. not knowing that when failure sinks in, I become a wuzie. that when pain becomes unbearable, I curl into a fetal position because I yearn for the womb-like safety I had for nine months.

_____________________________________________________________

some people think that they others better.they believe that they know what’s best for the people they love yet they fail to recognize that they themselves are perpetuating the lives of these people. they fail to recognize that the very eccentricities that makes others different them are the very things that makes life as it is. exuberant. worthwhile. special.

______________________________________________________________

each of us represents a sunray that lits the world. the respect we give to the dissenting sunrays near us reflects the respect that we want others to give to us.

some sunrays appear to be a little twisted. a little different. a little annoying and disgusting. but what is inside these sunrays are in turn what sustains the light that keeps the world alive.

I appeal to the so-called rosy and better sunsrays out there to wait and give the little twisted sunrays a break before annihilating them into oblivion. they say that the meek shall inherit the earth. well, I believe that the worthy prevails. outshining the others who pretend to be better.

’nuff said.

Strings in the Water

I’ll look after you

I’ll chase the blues
away

Hold your hand amidst
the storm

Stay with you in the
darkest hours

I’ll fix you when
you’re broken

Sew the wounds when
you’re scathed

Kiss the pain away

When it’s too
unbearable to go on

Will look for you
when you are lost

Will pull you up when
you are down

Will run for you when
you are beaten

Will cry with you
when the fire gets through

A string of words, so
fancy to the ears

A list of promises,
I’d hold dear

Found my palms stark
with blisters

As these words slid
past

I was left in turmoil

The rain washed these
promises away

And when I cleared my
eyes

You’re already miles
away from me

___________________________________________________________

 

Gathering the Light

Your scent linger on
my fingers

And a smile forms on
my lips

I write your name in
mid-air

And my eyes see hope

Your entered when
everybody

Seems to be leaving

You stayed, when I
found

myself abhorred

You hold on to what
was left of me

Hoping that somehow

I’ll find my way back

Facing you, I’m lost
in thought

A happy face could be
easy to fake

Yet you make my heart
smile for

Reasons unknown to me

Never thought
somebody

like you would come

I’m still in
perplexity for

what you saw in me

You’re too good for a
broken diamond

A diamond on a heap
of pyre,

So black it’s like
filth

Feels blessed to
still you walk with me

As I ask you to wait,

I could feel you pain
as well

Need to fix myself
and erase the pain away

Gathering the light
to cleanse from filth

If you would wait,
for me to be better

If you would wait,
for me to deserve you

_________________________________________________________________

 

A Rosier Sunshine

I rejoice in the
thought of having you

Butterflies flutter
whenever you’re around

Days go empty without
you by my side

And somehow I pray
that time would stand still

In you eyes I see the
fulfillment of my prayers

In your arms I feel
my longed sought-for refuge

The warmth of your
breath obliterates the scars

As I lay on your
shoulders the past is light years away

I lace my fingers
with yours,

and feel a sweeping
surge of bliss

With you I found a
ray of sunlight

With you the fiery
storm stops

You chase the shadows
away

And bids the rain
goodbye

You sought to hold my
hand

To heal the wounds
and blisters

Each day with you, my
being takes flight

Day by day, a myriad
of sunrays fill my soul

Wishing that the stars
would never cease to shine

Finding myself in
you, I’m no longer in solitude

Each morning is
rosier, each smile brighter

Every waking hour is
a chance to renew myself

For helping me find
the way I’m thankful

For choosing to stay
I feel blessed.

I thought that in giving everything
Happiness is an assurance
The pain I feel annihilates my very being
In the desire to keep you happy,
    I lost sight of myself.
And I thought that in doing so
    the promise of eternal bliss
    wouldn’t be compromised
I keep looking for where I went wrong
Somehow I wish you’re still here

I need to make things right
I want to hold on to what’s left of us
I yearn for more mornings with you by my side

Inside my heart a fiery storm takes abound
The tranquil meadows around me delights in my despair
My eyes flood with fire

Truly, solitary sewing my wounds
    will never be easy

Bathing in the light of anguish,
    I watch myself bleed
My scathed heart cries in pain
My beaten soul prays for healing

My arms are ready to let you go
Yet my fingers still lace around yours

Soaked in melancholy, I ask the stars why
A sudden twist of fate left me
    in my bleak solitude.
________________________________

This is gonna be the last rain you made.
The last rain that flowed from my eyes.

wala lang. ayoko magpaka mushy pero as I was viewing and grabbing pix from our college field trips last feb and march…this agonizing feeling of missing them hit me so badly. dont’ know why I didn’t feel this drama after graduating from high school. sure thing I miss my high school buds but to write a blog for such an emotion? whoa this is big. really big!

I spent four years with my college buds. they are all nice….sure there were time that they got to my throat (*hehe) but the good outweighs the bad. hate being mushy here folks…  =’(  I just miss you. Some of you are starting their new lives building a medical career, a few went to law school and some might already got a career going on for them…

Am still here, lamenting the old cherished memories…yearning to move on, desiring to relive the same memories.

college indeed has its highlights and drawbacks and you guys belong to the highlights.

’nuff said.

take care olweis po.