this is a sad post.
I think this is good bye. This is so not a good time to be floating anymore but I am really terrified of facing reality. I hate feeling anxious and uncertain. It just sucks life out of me. I don’t want to risk things right now because I’m on thin ice. What’s worse was that after my attempts, after having that faint thread of hope, I’m still going to fall and drop everything I’ve strived for. It really feels like I’m going in circle since day one.
Though its not healthy to wallow in bitterness and remorse, I can no longer push myself outside of this fence I’m in. Somebody must be having a really good time while I’m here. That’s the law of balance, because if not then everything’s just fucked-off.
I may have been presumptuous. Otherwise none of these would have happened. I failed to see the larger picture and so I’m paying the price of my ignorance. Again, this is no time to float and waddle freely. I’m already done with that.
I feel resentful of not being more cautious. It should have been smooth. My plan should have been more thought of. It should have been fault proof. By wanting more, I fall short. By desiring things too early, things go downhill.
Now I will miss the things I once have, several months ago when I was doing what I really wanted. Now I would pass by and feel that tinge of bitterness with pangs of regret. It could have been more, but now I’m left with none.
