janini’s lair

I miss a lot of things recently. Two days ago I woke up from a dream and that dream included all of my blockmates and we were in our Philo class. Funny how my subconscious works.

I experienced a lot of drawbacks lately and if not for this someone keeping me sane, I might have fallen apart…again.

I miss attending classes. I miss rushing from Taft to UP to catch up on my 7am class. I miss trudging the same old familiar hallways with a bunch of readings on one hand and either a celphone or a cheap 10 peso-drink on the other. I miss being surrounded by the familiar comfort of security where the unknown and the future are so passe. I miss the long chats of hte absurd and the non-sense, I miss the wide smiles I frequently encountered and the I.D. checks that welcomed me.

I long to be surrounded by the same sweet fray that held me. And the air that filled my lungs. I miss your embrace and the late night walks.

I miss myself…when I was still me.

verse 1: i don’t want you to give it all up and leave your own life

collecting dust. and i don’t want you to feel sorry for me. you never gave

us a chance to be. and i don’t need you to be by my side to tell me that

everything’s alright. i just wanted you to tell me the truth. you know i’d

do that for you.

chorus: why are you running away?

verse 2: ‘ cause i did enough to show you that i was willing to give and

sacrifice. and i was the one who was lifting you up when you thought your

life had had enough. and when i get close you turn away. there’s nothing

that i can do or say. so now i need you to tell me the truth. you know i’d

do that for you.

repeat chorus

bridge: is it me? is it you? nothing that i can do to make you change your

mind. is it me? is it you? nothing that i can do. is it a waste of time?

last chorus: so why are you running away? what is it i have to say to make

you admit you’re afraid? why are you running away?

WHEN YOU’RE GONE

(Avril Lavigne)

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

I’ve never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah, yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

___________________________________

*uhmmm…lalang. I loove the tune.

Ever The Same

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn’t tell you but I’m telling you now

Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you and we’ll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it’s cold and we’re scared
And we’ve both been shaken
Yeah look at us
Man, this doesn’t need to be the end

Just let me hold you while you’re falling apart
Just let me hold you and we’ll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
And I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me
Forever it’s you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you’re no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I’ll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
And I’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for me
Forever it’s you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Ever the same
Ahhh yeah
______________________________________________________

Look After You

if i don’t say this now i will surely break
as i’m leaving the one i want to take
forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
my heart has started to separate

oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
be my baby
oh, oh, oh
i’ll look after you

there now, steady love, so few come and don’t go
will you won’t you, be the one i always know
when i’m losing my control, the city spins around
you’re the only one who knows, you slow it down

oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
be my baby
oh, oh, oh
i’ll look after you

if ever there was a doubt
my love she leans into me
this most assuredly counts
she says most assuredly

oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
be my baby
i’ll look after you

it’s always have and never hold
you’ve begun to feel like home
what’s mine is yours to leave or take
what’s mine is yours to make your own

oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh
be my baby
oh, oh, oh

_____________________________________________

"thanks for leaving me for I found a brand new me…a better me indeed".

failure abounds and the temptation to quit allures.

need a refuge.running.always with the running.

If a drop of rain and a ray of sunshine flood my halls, which will I take?

An incessant torment of pain flutters around me.

The need to get out looms over, and I am forever in debt.

…

…

…

seeking.always with the seeking.when will this stop…

forever in the darkness.attempts to seek the lost constantly fails.

sadly perturbed.

boundless confusion atop.

I watch the walls around me crumble
but it’s not like I wont build them up again
so here’s your last chance for redemption
So take it while it lasts cause it will end

(bridge)
And my tears are turning into time
I’ve wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

Chorus:
I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it’s over
cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won’t be right if we’re not in it together
tell me that it’s over
And I’ll be the first to go
Don’t wanna be the last to know

I won’t be the one to chase you
but at the same time you’re the heart that I call home
I’m always stuck with these emotions
and the more I try to feel the less I’m whole

(bridge)
My tears are turning into time
I’ve wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

Chorus:
I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it’s over
cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won’t be right if we’re not in it together
tell me that it’s over

And I’ll be the first to go
Yeah, I’ll be the first to go
Don’t wanna be the last to know

Over… Over… Over…
(bridge)
My tears are turning into time
I’ve wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

Chorus:
I can’t live without you
Can’t breathe without you
I dream about you, honestly
tell me that it’s over
cause if the world is spinning and I’m still living
It won’t be right if we’re not in it together
tell me that it’s over
tell me that it’s over
over

Honestly tell me
Honestly tell me

Don’t tell me that it’s over
Don’t tell me that it’s over

hard.harder.hardest.

all comes to those who wait.

but still, I can’t seem to make my mind up!

4 positions. 1 decision. 5 hours to make a cut as to whether I’ll be a full fledged obrero in 21 hours.

critical because I’m thinking of the consequences. difficult because I’m weighing the compensation and the benefits I’ll reap. ordeal-like because of the people around me.

where does my happiness lie? should I always go for the cautious conservative side or the radical and spontaneous me? how could I see the unfolding of my bliss if all I feel are torns cutting right through me.

madrama.yay.

hirap magdecide.shocks. I need divine intervention! now will not be a bad idea.

sabi sa social psych, less choices is a sure path to happiness.I couldn’t help but agree.whoaness…

ano ba dapat grounds for decision? stress, pera, experience, learnings, future opportunities, career growth, papa(hehe), whaaaaatttt!?

hiraaaaaapppppp!!!!!!!!!

why can’t I always take something which has the best of both worlds? or of those three worlds (money, learnings, stress-free).

so hard indeed.