janini’s lair

I took this words from a book I read last Friday. I thought that this words are very appropriate for a blog title. ^_^

[malapit ko na tong matapos kung hindi lang nagdilim ang kalangitan at since walang electricity, di ko na mabasa yung book. niweiz, it will be a part of my future blog dahil sobra akong na-moved at natouch nun.]

Madami akong maikikwento na antolohiya ng paghihirap ko since last Thrursday dahil kay Milenyo, but I thought better of it, at naisip kong wag ng iditalye lahat dahil magmumukha ng redundant ang aking blog dahil sa sanlibo’tisang nilalang na magpopost ng kanilang mga rantings sa blog dahil sa napakagandang bagyo na yan

To cut the story short ito ang outline ng masasayang pangyayari. Hope you can make the most out of it.

I. Ang pagdilim ng Kapaligiran

A. Tulog pa Ako

B. Nagising ako

        1. Di ko pinansin, nag-in-in pa ako sa kama

        2. Pinansin ko na, nababasa na ako mula sa bintana

II. Umuulan na

A. Tabing blues (sarhan ang mga bintana)

B. Panic-panic (madilim ang lahat)

       1. every 5 sec. namamatay ang kuryente

       2. nawalan na ng tubig

       3. wala na talagang ilaw

C. Txt mode

A. Denial: babalik pa ang kuryente at tubig any minute now.

B. Acceptance: Okay, we nid to find water and gather some candels

C. Grieve: anong oras na wala pa ding kuryente! malolowbat na ko! puterrrrr!!!

D. !%%^&*()&*%^#&)(_*&^

III. Water hunting

A. Natulog lang ako, sila ang naghanap

B. Sumama na ako, car mode, nakikicharge lang naman talga ng fone

C.Nagmall ng nakapambahay para maghunt ng pera sa ATM na mala medieval time sa bilis

IV. Procrastination galore

- dapat pag araw gumawa ng pang-acadz pero sa halip, nagbubutinting ng kung anu2. nagwowori dahil alang tubig at elec pero ala namang ginagawa…nagbabasa, hindi nmn pang-acads…haaiii

- sumama pang maligo sa ilog dahil ala ngang tubig. ^_^’

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Conclusion: ito, magcacram na pero wala pa ding tubig at elec.

Nagngingitngit sa galit dahil marami ng may kuryente pero kami wla pa din. hargh!

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My blissful Sunshine…provides me my saving embrace at the end of the day…makes every waking hours bearable…

natulog at kumain lang ako kahapon, in short, nag-axaya ng mga mahahalagang oras ng aking buhay. =s haaayyyy

cguro grabenmg pagod un, ewan,,basta wala akong nagawa kahpon at nagccc ako.hay ulit.

nagun nman eto pa-blogblog pa din at xempre wala pa din akong mahalagang nagagwa. Tas dapat uber aga pa kami on tue (6:30 am) ang malate magbabayad ng 200 Php. at bukas, sa halip na nasa bahay ako e dapat pang pumasok…haaay buhaaayyy =) umaangal na ang aking ama sa gastos.  =c tas sana may mahanap akongmatutulugan sa monday nyt.hehehe

anu ba to wala padin ako sa huwisyo para kumilos. weekends really suck my energy out. feeling ko i have all the tym in the world pag weekends but reality tells me otherwise.

ang tindi ng pangangailangan sa salapi.hay gwabe. saang kamay ng Diyos ako hahanap ng 500 para sa isang nangangailangang indibidwal??? waahhh…

I’m tired of being always in the hunt for money..let money hunt me…charoos.

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Being happy does not mean you’re in love ryt? so why the hell are people labelling me as such??? the signs may fool you. don’t be.

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AAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhh//// toxicity… tas wala pa akong ryt-ups for the yearbook which is due tomorrow… warkg!@$%^*^%$#

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You make me happy though I don’t know why…

Im so touched by this forwarded message I received from my sis…let me share it with you (I presume my nagbabasa nga nito, hihihi):

HE is…

my self inflicted pain…

a preposterous diversion…

a momentary bliss…

my blame-worthy experience…

my posionous religion…

HE is…my annoyance

and yet

he remains to be…

my sole happiness… =s

(wala lang uber natouch ako nung message,in more ways than one I think I can relate…xit gumaganun ako?argk!)

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"sunshine makes me happy"…its what one of tees says…however I just can’t tolerate the heat. It would have been better if the brightness that sunshine exudes is bereft of that blistering heat…Im not a sweaty person…Im not used to the agony of sweat drops being presetn in several portion of my body that’s why I make it a point that I stay in the shade, that i always have an umbrella beside me and that during the hooooooot summery days I have an extra shirt. Some people may object with these measures, and i know a certain someone who finds that my methods are laborious, vain and self-absorbed. I dont care. This is my body and I have all the right in the world to do whatever I want to do with it.

Okay…moment over…enough…you made me wait…I guess that in a way that was just a piece of my shitty mind.

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Its somewhat like a parody that I find it hard to appreciate the down side of the sunshine…I guess I could relate this to the bigger things going on in my life…I tend to lavish myself with the positive things that whenever something negative would upset me I take it hard. Somebody told me that I tend to be overly indulgent towards pleasurable things, I only want the positive to come out of teverything I do, evrything I have…Maybe its bad..maybe its not…that somebody ought to know me better, for there are countless times I voluntarily get into things that would inflict pain…that would make me suffer…I tend to continue on things that I am so unsure of…

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tama na ang moments.nalimutan kong maari itong mabasa.hahahaha =)

what was that? a girl just tried to meddle with my CPU! how weird! wala atang dila and hitad hindi marunong magpaalam at hello, like Im big enuf not to be noticed! DUh-uh! hehe (5 mins.ago…can’t help not to react on that one…so weird kasi)

niweis, punta kaming gateway ng gwupmates ko later…hihi….may experiment kami…social psych experiment…sshhh…first time kong pupunta dun.hahaha

I. StAteMeNtS and ThOuGhTs

"…be honest and tell me if you have no time for me so that I will not linger here …waiting for you… do not make me wait and be like your loyal puppy eager for her master’s attention…I am not like that…I don’t wait…I am the one who make others wait [ever since] and I intend to keep it that way. " — pissed-off girl  0_o

"How come I am going at lengths, compromising things…suffering in the process?…all for somebody whose existence in my system did not even enter my wildest imaginations…" –wondering soul.

"I hate to be like this. I am not dependent. Im not the clingy party."  –disoriented

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II. Facts of LAYP

ay naku kahapon, kakabad trip… haayyy…sobrang bagsak na siguro yung exam ko. HHAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!

ang mas nakakagalit kasi nito, di naman talaga mahirap ung exam kung nagreview ako. Swear.

Hindi ako nagreview ng maaus (maaus = alam ang 50% ng materials) dahil that prof always gave easy exams ever since. Okay okay gambler’s fallacy. Wack! I ought to be reprimanded for that I know. nakakaasar lang talaga the thought that I could have passed that exam and yet all I have to blame is myself.

AARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH….BADTRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

–badtrip over–umayus nextime–

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III. Something GUD to THANK for

hahaha…naidistribute ko na ang mga kapapelan na bacteria…hooraaaaaaaayyyyyyyy….

Im like 38% of the way…is that a good thing or what? help me here because Im really confused… 0_0

now I have to wait for a week to collect them…..

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IV. MONEY matters

nid I elaborate on this one? lahat naman ata ng kalevel ko (or so I think) pinoproblema ito.. (read: ka-level is undefinable…napaka fickle ng subjective definitions para maging reliable)

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V. >_<

ang astig ng limewire.harhar.natutuwa ako.truly, the best things in life are for free.

holla!

Im in search of something as pure and  elusive..

You’re my bliss amidst these chaos…

You’re as faceless and as nameless as the stars

            are as distant and unreachable.

No longer can I contain myself, I beseech for warmth…

No longer can I pretend that these bedazzling emotions

           are within me…

If tomorrow, we finally meet…I’ll leave everything for you…

‘Till that day comes, allow me to cradle up in his

          arms for awhile…

For Im famished and hurt that with him I take a momentary refuge…

Fleeting as it may seem, allow me to savor this moment while

         long for you…

For till that day comes…Im not gonna be somebody’s but a

         fluttering butterfly caught in this fragment of time…

*no cielo means no heaven in spanish…

Im not gonna cry today because I have everything in the world today that tells me its irrational to do so. Im not gona be upset because being happy and lavishing what I have right now is sooo much better than sulk in my old self. If I cannot change your opinion of me, Im not gonna waste another second in trying to fit in what you want for me. Making people happy is indeed a very difficult task. But I guess that once I find my own happiness it will shine through me and influence the others.

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I am not in love in its pure, unobliterated state but sure I think I can call myself happy. _________________________________________________________________________

I am doing everything in my powers today to make amend with you but it just seem that the more I step closer the more you lean away. It hurts me so to see us like this, but it hurts me more to learn from you that those years we spent together was indeed more of like an illusion. I led myself to believe that we unveiled almost everything to each other completely but it turns out that I was the only one doing that and believing that.

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I believe that everbody deserves to be happy in one way or another and indeed we all should strive for that. Im tired of worrying about the future…I am so darn tired of thinking about what people will say… I just want to cherish what I have today even if the future is a blur.

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Sure, I might suffer…but I just don’t have the patience to worry about it now.

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Self-absorption and insensitivity is a deadly duo and slowly its killing me as it shines to me from you. What we have is something so important Im willing to compromise and prioritize it over other things but it just seems to me that your not willing to do the same. Yes, it pains me, but it will hurt me more to dwell in this situation where areas you don’t appear to have the slightest interest in solving it.

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In this cloistered cell…

I am trapped within myself…in this cloistered cell I constructed my solitary confinement into an agonizing abyss. I was famished for warmth and care that I hungrily took the very first hand who fed me with an abundance of such.

Over and over again the hand was warned of the uncertainty of the situation but the hand seems unmindful of the seeping truth. The hand was blinded by its selflessness that it failed to see that it was in fact feeding a demon in the making.

How this will end is another turn in the labyrinth. (Will the creature decide to be a complete demon or will the hand’s selflessness be enough for its redemption?)

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I hope that is just a test we have to surpass…you are so important to me and I hope that you know it..

yey! DBS week na…hahahaha…excused kami from our classes for the whole week. Kaso andaming dapat bayaran at dapat pa mgpraktis for batch presentation. Huling hirit na daw ito dahil nga fourth year na…hahahaha kaya kailangang mangarir.. ngwarx.

di ko pa naibebenta ung mga concert tickets ko… huhuhu… T_T andami pa nun. Bilibili naman kayo, 120 Php lang with free globe simpack. Puhlese!

Kailangan ko ng pera. Madaming pera. Andami kong utang at may thesis pa akong popondohan. Bigyan ninyo ako ng raket. 1 time big time. Ung mabilis at kikita ako ng malaki. Ung magagamit ko kung anung meron ako. Hahahaha *wink*

Orange colored days are better spent with somebody…

un lang.